Sunday, September 22, 2013

#7 - Ai shite iru koto wo wasurenaide ite

Of course I was hurt the whole time
I just didn't say anything.

"go after her.
don't ever let her go. when she tries to walk away from you, grab her. hug her like no one else could, make her feel secure in your arms. when you miss her, text her. start the conversation to let her know that you want to talk to her. show your love for her unconditionally. don't let anyone else have her. there's no other girl out there just like her, she's special. chase her."

Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet and so are you.
But the roses are withering, violets are dead. The sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Because even though it hurts so badly, I'll still love you. I know what we are, and what we're not. I'll tell you my friends how wonderful you are. Do I have a dysfunctional mind? I'm so used to the sadness that I'm beginning to believe that I'm addicted to it. I hate to pretend that I'm mentally stable but I can't stop. People tell me to be contented with what I have because I'm lucky. Lucky that I even have a roof above my head. But they don't know how I'm feeling because they're not me.
I've created this lying smile and everybody believes it. I mean I'm not sad. I'm also not exactly happy either. I can laugh and smile and joke around when people are around me. But once I'm alone, I forgot how it feels to have that curve my lips create. It's like impossible to have a day without one bad feeling. And you don't know how pathetic it makes me feel. "How can you judge what you don't understand?"

Isn't it ironic? That the things we do to feel alive, are the things that can kill us?
Why am I dying to live, if I'm just living to die?

"i was looking in the mirror tonight.....
i swear, i've never seen someone whose eyes were so full of pain."


Saturday, September 7, 2013

#6 - Don’t worry. Be happy. Because life will love you back if you start appreciating it.

Thursday's plan was changed due to the heavy rain in the morning.
But luckily the day got better after that. 


2 Alexandra Road
#05-04/05 Delta House
Singapore 159919

Tel: 65-6238 0525
Fax: 65-6238 7018

100 Beach Road
#01-25, Shaw Leisure Gallery
Singapore 189702
10% off because we brave through the storm. hehe

Will probably never gonna post any pics of myself this unglam like the two above anymore.
ya okay you can laugh now.

Was a happy happy girl that day cause food was great and the best thing was Cassandra, Amelia and I got ourselves heels from Payless.
I got 2 pairs that cost only 10bucks each because it was on sale. The original price was $40-$50 plus.
^-^ hehe ^-^


Tuesday, September 3, 2013

#5 - I'm not crazy, my reality is just different from yours.

I tried explaining why I was so sad, but nothing could come out.
That was when I realised, I didn't know why either.

I call people fake but I realise I ain't that real either. I hide my true self too often. I'm looking very hard for a way to interpret the language of this heart and the unspoken bond I feel but I can't. But deep down, I hope I'm understood. I want to feel appreciated by the people I'm fake to. Weird but because I know my natural self isn't good enough.

I tried to be myself but no one likes it. I fake myself, no one likes it either. So I become a mixture of both that sometimes, I don't even know which is which. I tell myself it's okay if no one like me but then again, it's not. It's not okay. At all.
"I'm not crazy, my reality is just different from yours."

I think I still haven't learn my lesson. It made me so vulnerable. The walls are torn down, not fully but it's already starting to hurt. Everything he does, everything he says, turns into a glass splinter working its way into my heart. I want to do something but I don't know what to do. I'm so overwhelmed by the impact of my choices that I can't choose to do anything at all because I'm afraid today will be the day that I make the choice that changes everything. It isn't meant to be easy but the endless obstacles that defines it makes it so tiring. 

"oh my god i'm fucking sick of this generation's mentality that your sadness is beautiful and somebody will fix you and all this fucking john green shit nobody will find you in a bookstore reading bukowski and want to lie with you and nobody will kiss your scars and you will not be like effie and freddie you've got to be your own fucking hero and surround yourself with positivity"