Tuesday, September 3, 2013

#5 - I'm not crazy, my reality is just different from yours.

I tried explaining why I was so sad, but nothing could come out.
That was when I realised, I didn't know why either.

I call people fake but I realise I ain't that real either. I hide my true self too often. I'm looking very hard for a way to interpret the language of this heart and the unspoken bond I feel but I can't. But deep down, I hope I'm understood. I want to feel appreciated by the people I'm fake to. Weird but because I know my natural self isn't good enough.

I tried to be myself but no one likes it. I fake myself, no one likes it either. So I become a mixture of both that sometimes, I don't even know which is which. I tell myself it's okay if no one like me but then again, it's not. It's not okay. At all.
"I'm not crazy, my reality is just different from yours."

I think I still haven't learn my lesson. It made me so vulnerable. The walls are torn down, not fully but it's already starting to hurt. Everything he does, everything he says, turns into a glass splinter working its way into my heart. I want to do something but I don't know what to do. I'm so overwhelmed by the impact of my choices that I can't choose to do anything at all because I'm afraid today will be the day that I make the choice that changes everything. It isn't meant to be easy but the endless obstacles that defines it makes it so tiring. 

"oh my god i'm fucking sick of this generation's mentality that your sadness is beautiful and somebody will fix you and all this fucking john green shit nobody will find you in a bookstore reading bukowski and want to lie with you and nobody will kiss your scars and you will not be like effie and freddie you've got to be your own fucking hero and surround yourself with positivity"


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