It has been awhile since the last time I update this space. O's have been taking up most of my time, especially art. Oh and laziness. Have been using them as an excuse to not do anything for the longest time and I'll probably stop only after 11th Nov which is the end of my examinations. I can't wait for it to end because I'm really tired. I'm constantly yawning.
But then again, when am I not tired?
We met online. Such a "romantic" place. I fell at hello and I'm not regretting it since. It isn't long, just 76 days. When people ask about our relationship status, complicated is the word. Not in a bad way. We're not officially together but we're in a relationship that only we both understand. After being alone for closing to 2 years, I was surprise at how comfortable I am with you. I'm still surprise. Not fully comfortable but more comfortable with you than any of "them". You're a guy that I wouldn't go for 2 years back. Be it appearance or attitude wise.
You hugged me when you saw the cuts that I promised you I wouldn't. You kissed me when I cry and you didn't know what to do. We sat on the floor in front of your kitchen's fridge and ate chocolate bars You fed me your lunch while I use my phone and had my legs up on your lap. You made me sit beside you while you write a little note for me. We hugged for 10 minutes standing up because I didn't want to let go. You pushed my head onto your shoulder when you saw me leaning on the glass window of the bus. You wanted me to help you withdraw some money and almost gave me your bank account password, but I rejected. You offered $10 to anyone that would help you do something because I was crying like hell, and it was only the second day we talked.
You often label yourself as cold. But look at the things you did that proves that your blood is still warm. I never like showing others my weaker side but you witnessed it yesterday. You said nothing but just held on to me really tight. I clenched my fist. It hurts because of my fingernails. I kept quiet and left it that way. I tried to smile it away, but some things couldn't be disguise. The next thing I know, you were kissing the mark that my fingernails left. You made sure my hands were lay flat on your body while you hold on to them. And that made me cry even more.
I hate how mean you treat me sometimes but I love how soft you would talk to me when I'm really hurt or mad. I hate how insensitive you are but I love how you would only tell me your true feelings instead of useless sweet talks. You hate people that acts cute and always tell me that it's not gonna work on you when I start whining. But you'll give in in the end. You always do. I love how you would bend a little to hug me when I don't tip toe. I love how we hug each other and stare into the mirror. There're just so many things to list about why I love you that I can never find in others.
In this 2 months, we had lots of quarrels and I'm always the one starting it. Or at least most of the time. I'm really sensitive and just unreasonable. In the heat of the moment, I get really harsh and I cross the line. The replies I get may not be perfect, but you wouldn't flare up at me. And I really appreciate that. Sometimes I question myself, who in the world would love and care for me like their little princess other than mummy. And there you are. I don't have anything to make anyone stay. I'm not attractive nor do I have a great personality. It's funny why you're willing to do all these. And this is the cause of most of our quarrels. My insecurities. My low self esteem after T.
You do not agree with some decisions I make but you try your best to accept it unless it's bad for me. Now I'm scared. Very very afraid. You're coming up with solutions and you're staying. And I'm thankful for all these. I do complain about why aren't you like this or like that, but I've come to realise that no relationship will go your way every single time. It's the imperfections that makes everything perfect.
♥ xx ♥
you're the best i can ever ask for
so i'm never letting you go