I used to feel so confident about myself and that was during my (so called) 'ahlian' period. I changed, for the better of course. But my confidence went all the way down as well. I have completely no idea why and I don't like it.
I want to tell people how I feel about my insecurities but I know it's not gonna help so I bury them and let them hurt me instead.
People asked why do I always post such emotional stuffs on Twitter, and they always get a 'truthful' answer, I want retweets. But no, actually I don't bother much about retweets unless it's gonna get me money or something. I just needed a place to translate the ache in my chest into words.
I wish I was born pretty. I wish I was born smart. I wish I was born skinny.
I wish I was born perfect.
But what exactly is 'perfect'? There's no such thing as perfect, but why is there even such disgusting word in the dictionary. It kills people. So why do people even want to be perfect so badly? Because we're molded by society's demands.
I want myself back. I hate the me that gets depressed because I couldn't meet society's demands. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin again. Happiness over anything. My new year's resolution. People are gonna say "You're too young, you can't survive in this society." but you know what? As cliche as it sounds, you only live once, so why not live it happily because well... you can never ever buy happiness, no?
I'm trying. And I know one day, I'll get back my confidence and be myself. But I promise, I won't go astray again.
A lot of people have been asking me about my O level results. Don't.
I did really badly. 13 points better than my prelim but definitely not good enough. So I've decided to give NAFA a try later on at their open house. And hopefully, I'll get accepted into the course I want really badly. *cross fingers*
I'm scared to go in a new school. Yes, this is one of my insecurities. I automatically assume people wouldn't like me so I don't talk to them unless they approach me first. I can't get pass the feeling the feeling that I don't belong. So it's really not because I'm unfriendly and arrogant or what not but it's actually I'm just really shy and insecure.
I need to get rid of my insecurities or else I'm sure they're gonna kill me some day.