I'm currently taking a break at home for 2 hours before going down to my Grandma's wake. Just wanted to blog a little about how I feel. Didn't really tell anyone about it, only a few close ones.
I used to always think about how it'll feel when you lose someone forever. Not the kind where you break up with someone and know very surely that you guys won't get together. No. Not that. It's the kind where you lose the person forever, literally.
It's a very weird feeling. It's like you know you'll never ever feel the touch of the person or hear their laughter ever again. You don't even need to hope, because you know it's impossible. The person where you see every single day for the 17 years of your life, just gone like that. You can't say, "I'm sorry, let's go back in time and start everything over so I can show you how much I love you."
Well, I mean you can but it isn't gonna change a thing. Not even a single bit.
Because of this funeral, I finally believe that you really can tell who cares and who just don't feel the least bit of guilt. My mum told my Grandpa, "Just call once, if they have the heart, they will come."
I used to think that everyone that knows the deceased person would at least go down to the funeral out of respect. But nope, some people just don't feel guilty at all.
It's okay, I'm not angry at them. I just feel sad for them.
At least Grandma went away peacefully and there are people who genuinely care for my grandparents. Most importantly, I believe she's happier in heaven since she was suffering quite a bit before she was gone.
I love you, Grandma. ♥