Monday, June 23, 2014

#41 | I'll be okay, soon.

I tried controlling myself but on Saturday, I finally lost it. I've done so many stupid things this past few weeks just to forget you. And obviously, I regretted almost all of them. Not all, almost all.
I've also started to go home really late or I'll just go home in the morning when mummy's already at work. I don't know but I feel bad cause I'm seeing mummy lesser and lesser but then I don't want to stay at home because I do think a lot more at night when I'm alone.... like it's not enough in the day...
I hope I'll be okay soon.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

#40 | Who the fuck?

"Who did that to you? Who fucked you up so bad, emotionally and mentally that you've completely shut down anyone who tries to help you. You don't talk about your feelings, you push kind people away, and you let negative people in. You refuse to open up and let someone love or care about you. Who fucking did that to you?"

#39 - Just curious.

I was checking my page views a minute ago and i realised it's 3 times more than my usual and I'm like OMG! Cause I haven't got this much page views ever since I closed down my old blog which had all my "ahlian-days" post. Not as much as then but still I'm so happy even though most views might be because of my 'boobs' photo -_____- IT'S MY OOTD for fuck sake..

Moving on.

I wanted to blog out of the blue because something crossed my mind and I really wanted to know why. Why are some people so heartless to someone they used to love? I'm not pinpointing anyone, just generalising. For example, some people choose to leak out nude photos of their ex after they had broken up. Or try to embarrass them in front of everybody. Why do people hate someone they used to claim was their everything? It's weird, isn't it? How can you hate someone that was once yours so much, to the extent of ruining their life?

Maybe you say mean things to them because you want them to let go of you or maybe you have your reasons. But in my opinion, it's stupid, immature and selfish. You're hurting yourself (if your intention was good that is..) and someone that you claimed was your world. It's not like he or she would love you any less just because of the mean things you do to them, if she was serious with you. 

I know I know.. I'm just a seventeen year old, what do I know about love? Well... I'm just curious, that's all. If you can feed my curiosity, please let me know. My is right at the side bar. 

Friday, June 13, 2014

#38 - Night.

Just when you thought someone truly cared about you, they start proving that they were actually just curious. Stop dreaming, stop being so naive. They don't care. When will you ever learn your lesson..?
I have so many problems. I need someone I can confide in. Someone that has exam the next day but would willingly listen to me cry on the phone at 3am. But would anyone do this for someone that's just a friend? No one would.. I can't handle all my problems by my myself but I can't talk to anyone about it too because the last time I tried, I seemed annoying. I am annoying. I can't even stand myself at times..

I don't know. I don't feel sad about us tonight. Maybe I'm finally starting to let go or maybe I just feel numb tonight.. I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore.

It's one of those nights where too many things suddenly appear in my head. Typing whatever that comes to my mind right now so it might not even make sense.

My favourite place to have ice cream because it's super worth it, their creative ice cream flavour, water cooler and the ambience there. One thing, it's too far from my place.

"But if you don't love my every flaw, then you mustn't love me - not at all."

Felt so so happy in the court yesterday because of the people there. It was such a great feeling. I don't think I've been this happy in a really long time. I don't know if they feel the same way but I definitely enjoyed myself in that 3 and a half hour. I feel so thankful for them even though I only know some of them today. It's a weird feeling.. but I'm not complaining.
Thanks guys

Monday, June 9, 2014

#37 - Thoughts.

Am I really that hard to handle? I guess so, since that's what everybody says.

I don't understand humans. Why can't we be more open about our feelings. That's what I hate about humans. Always keeping everything to ourselves. By the time you choose to let it out, it's probably too late. No one knows what is gonna happen the next minute, or even second. Anything can happen. Would you rather live regretting something you did not do or regretting something you did? I would go for the latter.

I'm pretty addicted to Tumblr recently, and I'm finding my accounts to follow. And so, I came across this on Tumblr and I thought I should share it. 
"Become your own best friend. Over the years I have had to learn to become my own best friend. There were many nights I spent crying myself to sleep, sad and lonely with almost every given heartache. Over time I realised that I had to learn to comfort myself to overcome the pain. It's a process, and I'm still learning how to do it, but I've gotten so much better. I can honestly say that I'm my own best friend. Goal: Love yourself and treat yourself as you would treat your very best friend. You deserve the same love you give to others."
I don't think I'll ever get bored of Tumblr.

And I created Dayre too, which I update every single day. Follow me, thanks.

Monday, June 2, 2014

#36 - Live for the moment.

Impromptu meet up. The amount of photos and laughter we had was crazy. Not even kidding. Have I mentioned that I love impromptu meet ups like this? I think I did. Even though I woke up feeling like a dead fish because I caught a cold which I have completely no idea how that happened, I'm still glad my first day night of June was spent with people that made me laugh till I grew abs. lol not literally but..... hey at least I'm happy! And I guess that's the most important thing to me right now.
Some people said I'm lifeless. It's true, I'm quite lifeless right now because I have nothing to do at home everyday so anyone that calls me out, I pretty much agree immediately. C'mon la, I'm just having with different people. Nothing wrong with that.

A million shots to get this... "I'm a freaking aeroplane weeeeeeee!" -____- 
How do you like the creepy smiley I drew on my face? Haha *insert laugh w/ tears emoji* lol
Goodnight sweethearts.